Ill be going to the hospital soon, he said, laughing and hiding his hand under the desk.

F you, guy who tests water for appropriate levels of fecal matter!

What are we talking about?

Jon Stewart

Jon StewartThe Daily Show / YouTube

a baffled Stewart asked.

Capitalism is, by definition, exploitative.

Its how it operates.

Donald Trump

Were getting fed at a Diddy party, and theyre making us buy the baby oil.

he laughed, taking it in stride as a consummate professional.

Abort, abort, abort, Im kidding, no vigilantes, but do something!