Merrill says his assault happened in 1978, when he was 19.
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A guy pulled over and said, Do you want to go for a ride?’
John Wayne Gacy in 1978Bettmann
He put this homemade contraption around my neck, writes the actor.
Merrill says that Gacy stuck a gun in my mouth before raping him.
Finally, I could tell he was tiring.
Whatever the case, He dropped me off not far from where hed picked me up.
It was around 5 in the morning.
He gave me his phone number and said, Maybe well get together again sometime.
When I got home, I flushed the number down the toilet, then took a shower.
I made a pact with myself that I was going to get past this, he writes.
I wasnt going to leave my happiness in that house.
Part of Merrills healing has been acting.
I got into the NYU drama department.
In 1986 a bunch of friends and I formed Naked Angels, an Off-Broadway troupe for actors and playwrights.
Acting was therapeutic for me.
Youre forced to express yourself, and there is some honesty that goes with that.
Another part has been consciously forgiving Gacy for what he did.
I read about Oprah doing a show about forgiveness, says Merill.
There was a woman who had been raped, beaten and left for dead.
She said if she didnt forgive her attacker, she couldnt get on with her life.
I knew I had to do thatto somehow forgive Gacy.
Another thing that helps: Ive also found love.
My husband and I have been together for 23 years.
Merrill says he once spoke to a movie executive about telling the story of his encounter with Gacy.
Thats how you want to be remembered?
Merrill says, I thought, No, I guess not.
That would be tying myself to him.
Now, however, he doesnt see it that way.
Its currently at the Electric Lodge in Venice, CA.
Theres a lot of people who have had bad things happen to them, Merrill says.
Many people who have been raped dont talk about it.
Until now Ive only told close friends.
But doing my new show, I walk through it every night.
Im proud of the journey.
I was able to learn from the bad and use it for the good.
You know, Im lucky.
Ive always been lucky.
